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China's Gold Medals Found To Have High Lead
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Andy Borowitz 8/25/2008
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Phelps Warned Not to Lick Medals

China's impressive haul of gold medals at the Beijing Olympics was tarnished somewhat today when it was revealed that "abnormally high levels of lead" were found in the first-place medallions.

The medals, which were supposed to be made entirely of gold, were instead found to be composed of 99 percent lead alloy and coated with a gold-colored lead-based paint.

The shocking revelations roiled the Olympic complex today and sent officials looking for answers from the Chinese manufacturer of the medals, the Wuhan One Hundred Percent Gold Medal Corporation.

"We are trying to determine exactly how so much lead got into those gold medals," said a spokesman for Wuhan, China's largest exporter of gold medals. "Until we do, we are urging all first-place athletes not to lick, taste or suck on their medals."

The news about the potentially toxic gold medals spread panic among Olympic champions, especially U.S. swimming phenom Michael Phelps.

"I am very, very concerned about my extensive contact with gold medals," Mr. Phelps told reporters. "But what am I supposed to do? Stop being so awesome?"

In other Olympic news, China's hopes for winning more medals in women's gymnastics were dashed when one of their leading gymnasts vanished down a bathtub drain on Tuesday.

Immediately after Jiang Qimin's disappearance, Beijing authorities launched a search for the acclaimed seven-pound athlete.

Jiang had been the subject of speculation earlier this week as many foreign observers doubted China's claims that the two-foot-tall gymnast was sixteen years old.

In an interview with NBC's Bob Costas on Monday, Jiang sparked controversy with this response to a question about her age: "I want my sippy cup."

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By Tab - The Calgary Sun * Posted 8/15/2008 12:00:00 AM
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Posted By: jack sprat  on Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Igor12  

Sorry to here about your experience, those who are against double standards are normally only against double standards of their own prejudices.

Thank you for your service to our country, when I had walking pneumonia, they gave me 24 hr no yelling, in the middle of the rain in Ft Lewis, some of it is just the military, yours is actually a sacrifice given for our country, again thank you.

How dare you imply the good bad people of the people’s republic of greedy swindlers would fake anything like the gold medals? Besides they won't have any lead until all the recalled toys get back.

The Kids were under orders to protect other athletes by winning any way they could so that the "gold" medals wouldn't get out of the country and endanger other people.

Fortunately other work will be provided for those who failed to do so.


Posted By: jack sprat  on Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Oops

How dare you imply the good bad people of the people’s republic of greedy swindlers would fake anything like the gold medals? Besides they won't have any lead until all the recalled toys get back.

The Kids were under orders to protect other athletes by winning any way they could so that the "gold" medals wouldn't get out of the country and endanger other people.

Fortunately other work will be provided for those who failed to do so.


Posted By: William  on Saturday, August 30, 2008

I am unsubscribing from this neo-nazi-con propaganda called Cagle.

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