Kvetching and Convening
Raging Moderate,
Now that the Olympic flame has been doused by the tears of a thousand jade blossoms, it’s time for America’s most athletically dexterous mutants to stash their red, white and blue togs and head home. And the national spotlight turns to the political conventions featuring our most ethically dexterous mutants. We do cherish our little freak shows. The patriotic rhetoric and colors remain the same, only the fabric changes. Less emphasis on Day-glo spandex and more on washable wool.
The major party conventions are like baseball, with the incumbents acting as the home team, giving the challengers first ups -- the reason why we start off with the Democrats in Denver on Monday, then shoot east by northeast to St. Paul the following week. The score is kept in terms of “bounce.” But John McCain may have spotted the opposition a two-run lead when he forgot how many houses he has. We could say the guy turns 72 next Friday. He’s probably not sure how many fingers he has. But that’s so unlike us.
The Mile-High City and the Twin Cities’
Red Headed Step-Child promise to put their own inimitable spin on the proceedings. Buffalo burgers for the Dems and Juicy Lucys (a burger patty with cheese oozing out of the middle like lava) for the GOP. And in a twisted tamping down of the true tradition of the heartland, both sites have set up “free speech zones” which barely share the same area code with the events being protested. Of course, the chants will still maintain that “the whole world is watching.” But in reality, it’s more like, “a tiny portion of America is casting half an eye towards us every now and then, maybe, we hope” kind of a thing.
Nobody knows why the parties continue to hold these over-staged, inflated pseudo-events when the bulk of the proceedings could be taken care of in a corner booth at Denny’s over a Grand Slam Breakfast. “All in favor of having the presumptive nominee be the actual nominee say ‘more pork sausage please.’ Okay, it’s unanimous. Sally, could you bring everybody their own carafe of syrup and drop the check at Microsoft, AT&T and GM’s table over there in the corner. That’s a darling.”
|
